- Don’t only talk to them when you need something.
- Don’t let the only reason you talk to them be when you need something.
- Don’t use them.
- Do not use your friendship to help you through a bad time when you cannot be bothered with putting time into it when things are going well.
- Don’t constantly take.
Do you get where I’m going with this? It is the worst feelings to be such a good friend to someone and have them throw it in your face or not give back as much as you give. The most intimate friendships are so messy and gross and time consuming and lovely and they make life so much better. It’s sitting in a car in a random parking lot because you’re the only one they’re going to cry in front of, or trespassing to go skinny dipping or watching them blow dry their hair in their underwear or eating cake of breakfast and not even bat an eye, or just pumping their gas in the snow because you don’t want them to get cold that defines a friendship.
Friendship does come with rules or restrictions. You have to be there for it all, even if that means they’re being a little ***** because they’re stress… or they’re throwing up on their own shoes or having a melt down because their partner is being a dick or they lost the neighbors dog or they’re making the stupidest decision of their life. It doesn’t matter is they’re wearing the hottest dress you’ve ever seen them in or they haven’t brushed their hair in a week and their shirt has a hole in the armpit… your love shouldn’t change.
This month I want dedicate this blog to me and all the things that make me happy. I’m going to try my very best to blog everyday, even if it’s a really dumb post about my day. I’m happy when I share my life and thoughts on this blog, so I’m going to start doing that everyday.
My life right now is a little unsettled.
I am a sucker for a good romance story and I’m not afraid to say I’m a hopeless romantic. But the flip side to that is I’ve been too easy to love in the past and I spent two years in love with the idea of loving someone instead of actually loving someone because I had no idea what it meant to truly love someone. And after that idea fades away there is a little light in your head that’s like… oh, probably didn’t love him.
I swore to myself then that I wouldn’t ever lie about loving someone… and that has gotten me into some pretty awkward situations because I don’t think there is a graceful reply to someone’s ‘I love you’ when the feelings aren’t mutual, but it’s better than a lie.
However there is a certain red-headed boy on this earth that I am hopelessly in love with. And this time, you can take it to the bank. I remember the exact moment I fell like love and it was upon the realization that he was just as in love with me. And in some relationships that’s probably unhealthy, but if you want to punch me right in the heart in the best way possible, do something that shows me you’ve been thinking of me or considering me in your free time without advertising it… I’m a sucker for personality and vulnerability. And that applies to a lot people than me, so if you’re trying to knock a girl off her feet… make a little mental note of that. ;)
If you thought that I had specific bullets of how to know you’re in love, I’m sorry. I’m not capable of doing so because I have no idea how to even begin.
All I have to end with is, you’ll know when you’re really really in love. You don’t need me or anyone else to tell you what you’re feeling or justify if your love is actual love. Something about their laugh will warm your heart, you’ll want to cook them dinner and do all the things that you know will make them happy
but also want to fuck them senseless at the same time, but then get up after and turn the light off because you’re don’t want to sacrifice their comfort…. and all the things you take for granted start to hold a different significance. And everything will be exciting but comfortable. And it won’t make sense by any means… but it will also make you feel the most whole you’ve ever felt and you’ll just know.
A huge part of life is the precious balance between modesty and indulgence. A bit too much of either and all the value is lost. I think that all too often that balance is forgotten or perhaps neglected because someone somewhere decided it’s selfish to take care of yourself. It’s kind of like when you’re on an airplane and they tell you to put oxygen on yourself before you help anyone out. For awhile that didn’t make sense to me. Of course I’d help someone else out before I helped myself, I’d be okay. If someone needs help I’ll give it to them. Then it occurred to me that I’m actually human too and I have basic needs that have to be met before I can try to take on the world no matter how strong I think I am. That applied to far more than in an airplane. You’ll be able to give a lot more and the quality of what you have to give will be much greater if you take the time to help yourself, love yourself, and care for yourself first.
Here are some ways that I take care of myself… and maybe they’ll inspire you care for yourself too.
- I shower every night… because there is something so neutralizing about hot water. To me, hot water takes all the energy and emotions that people have brought to my aura throughout the day and takes it all away. I cherish that so much.
- My room is my safe haven. My room is calm and collected and quiet. No one ever ever ever comes in my room except Gage. It’s not tarnished with any negativity and I need that; I am so incredibly sensitive to negativity that I need an escape, so I’ve given myself one.
- I know my body. I know how my body reacts. I know when my body feels it’s best, I know when it feels it’s worse… and I know how to get to both places. I think everyone should put time into knowing their self and their bodies… and stop being so grossed out or ashamed.
- I spend a lot of time on small details that I like because the smallest of details are what really makes me happy… be it surrounding myself with pictures I love or a new candle or making my bed because it feels good to pull back the cover and sink into bed at the end of the day.
- And last thing… I spend time naked. Clothes are really nice but I really like the time I spend without covering myself up because there are a lot of things you don’t know about yourself until you take those clothes off and sit down to write a post. Haha. I’m kidding, I’m fully clothed… maybe minus pants.
The first time I laid eyes on you I should have known that there was something about you I would never get over. I swear in that moment life slowed down and it didn’t feel real anymore… or maybe it wasn’t real until that moment. It’s one of those moments when you take a trip through memory lane you’re like a little bird flying over the moment watching yourself because something about it made you remember every small detail. Every memory I have with you is like that.
When I was little I decided that I would never get married because I was content with adopting children and living my life without anyone. I didn’t know what love felt like and I had no desire to know. And then suddenly I’m in my kitchen listening to you and half a dozen other people play Karaoke Revolution in my living room and I’ve never been that happy before. And then you’re in the media room with me and we’re laying on the floor like children and we’re laughing instead of doing homework. And then you’re on my couch watching movies with me late at night. And I’m finding myself wanting to be closer to home on Christmas because maybe you might be my home. And then we’re exchanging fears and secrets in the bitter cold snow and I like the way your hand slides across my stomach when you’re pulling me back onto the sled. And I’m happy when the car breaks down and we walk away from the group because that means more time with you. And I like the way you bring me doughnuts and invite me bowling on Valentine’s Day. And I like being in the same house with you… and I don’t mind falling asleep on your shoulder though I’ve never fell asleep on someone before. Your hugs don’t feel so weird and your hand doesn’t feel so weird in mine and your sleeping body on my couch doesn’t make me tense and I like your voice and the way you look at me. And suddenly I like your lips on mine and I love you.
You’re written all over my body and soul and I will never not be yours. I love you and that only gets stronger every day. If you only ever listen to one thing I say, please know that I love you more than I love myself and you are my home.
Happy Valentine’s Day.
You don’t owe anyone anything… you don’t have to explain yourself. You get to be whoever you want to be. Those are words I thought I’d never regret saying… words I never thought I would take back, but I’m taking them back. And I’m taking them back because they’re too self empowering… those are also words I thought I’d never say, but here I am saying them…
Some people like to press labels on people, they like to pretend that there are so many races and orientations and genders and sexes and religions and roles that the world doesn’t care about. Human beings should be kind to other human beings. You owe it to the world and everyone inside of the world to treat others with dignity and respect… you don’t have to see eye to eye, you don’t have to kiss their feet, you don’t have to hand your soul over to them, and you don’t even have to live your life the way they life theirs… you just have to acknowledge the fact that they feel just care much are you, they’re trying to survive everyday as best they can… they are equal to you.
I resent that another person would hate someone else for one single thing that sets them apart- one thing they probably have no control over. It makes me want to stop breathing because I can’t stand to be surrounded by so much hate and hurt. Why waste so much energy and time hating someone when they’ve done nothing to you, they haven’t hurt you… they weren’t the one that hurt you…
People that are rude, disrespectful, and hateful are wounded and hurt and sad and scared and vulnerable; they’re trying to cope and they’re trying to protect themselves.